he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
