the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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