dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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