just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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