I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My vagina is officially offended.
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