Apparently you make a good broom.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize