How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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