Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
