i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
She is in my trunk
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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