walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
