I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
