we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
