$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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