I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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