I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
