also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
