I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
