Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
