I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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