Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
