It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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