News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
