drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize