i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
