Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
