What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
