you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize