you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
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