did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
