You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
