Will you blow on my dice?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
