none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
