left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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