Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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