You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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