she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
