the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
she told me i tasted like america
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
