we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
