I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Vodka?
Forever.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
