How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize