This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
he fucked my hip out of place.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
