I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
