am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
