Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
