I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
