ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
