Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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