The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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