I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
