You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
