I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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