I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
