He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
