Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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