Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
time to smoke my breakfast
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize