i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
