It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
