yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
