I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
