My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
