Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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