eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
