he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
