nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
