There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
