his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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