I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
