i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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