He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
