billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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