I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
