doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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