i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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