So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
this beer tastes like vomit already
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
