I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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