wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
