The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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