Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just invented taco cereal.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Randomize
