if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
