I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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