i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
