I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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